I learned how to play Go Thursday night. I was studying in a bookstore and a couple of people started playing a board game next to me. I didn't recognize the game and was curious because I love games but I really was trying to focus on my studies, so I focused. Then a few more people came over and it was clear that this was a routine gathering and also that I was sitting in their space so I got up to relocate. This opened the door to conversation and I asked what they were playing. They gathered to play the three great games of strategy: chess, backgammon, and go. "Go?" I asked, "how have I not heard about this game." And it didn't take them any time at all to convince me to learn.

Bob sat me down and explained Go, as well as telling me about the history of Go.. So we played, on a smaller board, and I had a six stone handicap. With Best Play a player can win with a five stone handicap. Bob played his first move. I panicked and froze, staring at the board. Where to put my stone? I knew the goal, I knew the rules, I knew about smothering and ko, but I couldn't see what the consequences of possible moves would be. What would be his next move? Would I play into a trap? Do something foolish? Bob, clearly an experienced Go teacher, noticed my tension and said, "be at peace with yourself. You can't possibly know what the best move is right now. You'll learn. Accept that you'll make mistakes. The best Go player in the world still studies Go every day." So I relaxed, and mimicked his move. In the end, thanks to my handicap, I won the game. I won our second game too. And then I ended my excursion into game theory and returned to my equally puzzling and less entertaining textbook.

During our speeds Friday around the sprint course I was getting so frustrated. I got dropped by the rest of the girls, I switched to skate skis (double-poling) and I got dropped even worse. It was the day before the first race of US Nationals and I thought, "what am I even doing here, I don't belong, I should just go home." Then I thought about Bob. Be at peace with myself. Where I am with my training and where I am with my technique is where I am. I can do my best today with what I have. I'll make mistakes. That's okay. I'll learn. I recognized the room that I still had to grow and develop as a skier. There's so much room for improvement, there's the ability to improve too. The danger lies in getting frustrated with myself and not being patient.

Labels: math